Breathe the fire of loss

Blast these damn casinos.

Every time I decide to venture in to the pits of these decrepit mausoleums it becomes ever so hard to leave.

There is nothing worse then being taunted by something your truly do not want.

Loss.

I once read that it is not the winning that makes you want to gamble its the feeling of loss that makes you throw all of your money to the gallows.

Its that overwhelming push of adrenaline before you throw your dice, flip your cards, or push that button.

I have come to grips with my addiction early in this game luckily.

The real problem with gambling for me is when to call it quits.

Not necessarily admit defeat.

But to know when to pull out.

When your ahead.

Another problem is Nevada, casinos have a never ending supply of booze.

24 hours of continuous consumption of beer and liquor is not a good thing for someone of my discretion.

It puts my decisions and senses in an erroneous environment.

At the end of a night I sound like Oliver Twist "Please Sir, I want some more."

But this is Nevada, if your not completely out of your wits they will gladly serve you.

But thats the catch isn't it just when your about to lose everything and become a pessimist, they give you another reason to become an optimist.

mini novel.

Chapter 1:Holy flyin fuck.

A couple of beers later and I'm comepletely enlightened. I could make

the dalai llama look like a middle school counselor. Not that I know

anything about that sort of thing, coencidently enough I do. It's a

damn shame it takes the intrusion of alchohol into my system to see

clearly enough to be human. Or atleast the facsimile of one. When and

how did I become such a shy, insecure wreck. I can't approach a decent

looking female without getting sweaty palms. How about a few lessons

in social networking and dating. Or maybe a few improv classes. I

could write for months on my evermounting horniness. These are the

confessions of a man who peaked in middle school. Now an adult and my

sex life consists of memories of teenage sexual encounters, and mid

shower rub downs. Loneliness is only as far as my arm.

My bladder has shrunk to that of tom thumbs. My mouth is dry due to

the alchohol, and my pisspot is full as I lye here on the top bunk. Oh

whoa is me. Whoa is me. So now the time has come for me to conclude

this convulsion of converse and scream goodnight.

Chapter 2: southern states conjur a southern mentality.

It' has been well over a month since I've been home. Well atleast

what I consider home. A state on the eastern seaboard where all of my

belongings are scattered in dissaray. This is what i call HOME. A

place to keep my shit. A storage unit a P.O. Box, and a few unlucky

friends homes or garages. Somehow I know where all of it is. But there

lies the moral to my story. The goal I mean to reach. A stationary

place to keep all of my things. Anywhere I can call my own. I don't

care if it's a god damned cave, it's time I take care of myself the

way I should have before. This vagrant lifestyle I have been living

has to come to an end at some point. Time to put the brakes on I

suppose. Then again I will give myself a year perhaps and that old

nomad spirit will pull me onto the road again. Searching for purpose

and a good time.

Chapter 3: My friends are assholes, with heart.

Here's a good thing not to do to a friend you know is suffereing from

home sickness, DO NOT call your friend to tell him that your are going

to be on MTV. Of all the assanine, exciting things that I could be

missing, why must it be the first chance to make a complete dick of

myself on national telivision. Leave it to my so called friends to

wait till I am indisposed and unable to make a quick return to decide

that this was time to go to the casting call of the Silent Library.

Another one of those we will pay you to puke sort of shows. But that's

just our ticket to 15 minutes of fame. A few rotten tasks for a few

hundred dollars, and a half hour on television. Give me a bucket, a

spoon and I will eat my own shit like icecream for that kind of

exposure. But here I am riding in the back of a freightshaker,

somewhere in the depths of central Texas asking myself why. Your all

swine in my book.

Chapter 4: Its just for looks...

This chapter has been deleted due to cruel accusations, wrongful judgments on my character, and attacks on my libido. But for those who want to know a little about what this chapter was here is an exert for your amusement:

" when meeting a potential man for you, don't send him nude photos and dirty

texts inviting him to fornicate. For this will signal a pattern of

thought that will lead to this man thinking you are easy. Do not get

sad or angry over the fact that all He wants is sex when you made it

so apparently available for him. And it's a well known fact that most

men are assholes get over it."

I suppose this is just another one of those self fulfilling prophecies

I am always hearing about. Then again I just want to lay some pipe.

Chapter 5: master of your own domain.

I smoke a pack and a half of marlboro 100s a day. That's like 4 packs

any other brand. I have a habit of eating before bed and it's never a

small snack. More like a full coarse meal. these kind of habits make

me sick to my stomach. My mind is always churning on how much weight I

should lose and how healthy I could be. day after day I choose to

break the promises I make myself. I constantly imagine what I would be

like thin and fit. Yet I don't get out of the truck and run like my

life depended on it. I have always been cursed with an over abbundance

of laziness and procrastination. Although my mind is always going like

some speed freak in a drug den. My mind pushes my body to move, and my

body stays firmly rooted to whatever seat I have decided to put it in.

It's only a matter of time before my mind wins over body and the

initial burst will be like the gale of a Hurricane wind. Sending me

into some insane tantrum where I will push myself so hard that I break

like a vase. As I crumble to the floor I will curse myself for never

having dicsipline.

Chapter 6: THE BLACK HOLE

There is something sinister about truck stop, and rest area bathrooms.

I am not one of those people that can't use public toillets, infact

Its the only way I can handle my daily business. I am forced to push

myself through the gates of hell everytime I realize I have to take a

shit. A good example is right this moment, I am literally sitting on

half a toilet seat. Where the other half is I dare not think about. I

would have used the other stall but it was taped off like a csi murder

scene. And ofcoarse the third and final stall was vacant of T.P., the

toilet seat had some kind of satanic scripture written on it. It

looked like a page out of the necronomicon. I fear to sit there for my

ass may be possessed.

There are a few differences between truck stops and rest areas.

Here a few I've picked up along my travels. Truck stop bathrooms the

message boards for the biggutts, homosexuals, and Christian extremists

of America. Most ts bathrooms are cleaned on a regular basis but

somehow still look like the end of the movie dead alive. Always full

to capacity , and the sounds you may hear In the other stalls will

keep you up at night in terror. Rest areas on the other hand are

Almost always empty but you get the feeling your being watched by some

murderous freak like michael myers and I don't mean the Austin powers

shmuck There is never any toilet paper and the seats and doors are

only hanging on by one hinge. There is never paper towels and don't

expect to clean your hands cause there is no soap. Piss poor service

for a piss poor America.

Chapter 6: Your only hope

Worry worry worry. Always a problem to solve never any solutions. They

should start a college to teach you the basics in living day to day.

Perhaps I should have spent more time with the guidance counselor in

school. Or spent more time in school overall.

My whole life is like walking through a room of beartraps. One

false step and your caught in a world of shit.

Chapter 7: Deja Vu

It's a kick to think about how similar my life is to that of my

teenage years. Still taking walks alone, with a pack of cigarettes,

and some headphones. Dressing up for no one in particular. Hoping to

meet someone to explore the universe with. I never was afraid to make

small talk with strangers.

Chapter 8: good and toasty

You know that feeling you had when you were a child, the feeling on

Christmas eve. Right before you went off to bed and you were thinking

about all the presents you would get. That's how I feel when I'm good

and drunk!

Paperback Gorilla

Just another day wasted away on waiting. Seems to be a great portion of my life is spent in a seat, just waiting. Where else could I be at this moment. What other endeavors could I be pursuing. The possibilities are vast. I should be building an empire of dreams, and goals. I have the floor plans, but no tools to construct a land of my own. There lies my conundrum. I have no pieces to the puzzle. No response to the riddle. The perplexity of my own life colludes me. The question is not what I want, but how to attain it. Great strides will have to be made in order for me to right the wrongs in my life. I have made quite a bit of progress though. Its amazing how much freedom I have with my fiscal responsibilities. I work and I save. I have no time for play, I live in a truck. I read constantly, its beginning to be an obsession. And finally I have redeemed my love of writing. Granted my grammar may be lacking and my structure and form poor but I seem to make my points clear enough. It will be a fine day when I can stop borrowing my Co-drivers computer and have my own space to write. Blessed be the day.

My vessel

Rushing down a river that flows in 2 separate directions. I pass boulders and hollows on either side. Keeping my hands steady on the wheel. I coerce my vessel diffidently through rapids winding to the horizon. My dreamlike setting depicts a land foreign to me. With each glance a vast expanse of history and knowledge is thrust upon me in great strides. This subtle thought breaches my mind with such force that I may weep in its enormity. Firmly grasping the wheel and following the bends of the mighty tributary almost instinctively, without weary of faltering my path. The sun is set far behind me, eclipsed by the loom of mountains cascading in all directions. The world is blanketed in warm shades of amber and metallic gold. Deep canyons and crevices pull the land apart like wounds. Passing through my ears is an assortment of ballads wrought by a band I could only imagine as gypsies. All this is only a moment of contentment in an array of disorganized thinking. For within seconds my mind collapses as my worries of burden flood over my collective thought. Entrancing me in disarray yet again. I yearn to feel the light of life within me. To know what it feels like to have a steady span of compassion. A prophetic worshiper once told me of a vision she had. This vision was of myself. In her prophecy she explained me as a broken mirror. Still whole, yet cracked like a sheet of ice over a pond. And that one day my cracks would seal themselves. Mending my broken soul. It feels as if this were told to me a century ago. For even now my heart is heavy and my sight is unclear. But, being the optimist that I am, my hope never subsides. It guides me and pierces my actions. I regard my past with sultry view, behold my present with awe, and steer myself to a future with an auspicious end.

Aaron Mitchell.

TWILIGHT

you may think i am gay or childish for saying this...but the twilight series were some of the best books i have ever read. no joke. i am forever grateful that i had a chance to read them!!!

My First Ever You Tube Video

The Lush Forests of the North West

I  was beginning to think that my choice in being a truck driver wasn't going to pay off as well as I had hoped. But today was a day that made me think twice about my decision. 30 miles outside of Seattle in the Snowqualmie Valley is where I have spent my last two days. Its monday now and rainy. Not unusual for these parts. But Yesterday was gorgeous I must say, sunny and warm.  Funny thing is I spent most of it in the truck reading Twilight, a fitting book considering my location. After finishing said book, I fell asleep and woke up to an overcast. Today was cooler and cloudy. It looked like it was going to rain most of the day but luckily it waited till the evening to drop a lake on us. After spending most of sunday inside I was getting a little antsy. As I said the rain held off for a while so I took advantage of the locals. I asked them if there were any good hiking trails in the area, I found a nice little trail about 2 miles up the road, a place called twin falls. I was up for anything as i began my walk towards the trail. It was fairly easy to find, convenient signs were placed within view. I was excited to see that i was not the only person out for the day. A good amount of cars were parked at the beginning of the trail. I made a goal to make it to the falls and back before dark, so I proceeded with my jaunt. Of course I didn't realize how long of a walk this would be. About half way to the falls I was becoming rather thirsty. That and my bad habits were catching up with me, and following me. Luckily I found a nice couple and their child who were kind enough to chat with and they happened to give me a bottle of water. I was very grateful. This wouldn't be the last time i was shown hospitality by a stranger. After my intrusion to these kind peoples day I kept on my way to the falls.  Another ten minutes and I was there. I was overwhelmed with beauty. One hundred foot waterfalls, towering cliffs, and trees with trunks larger than i have ever seen. A bridge cascaded 90 feet about the waterfalls, it was rather unnerving but breathtaking. I was spell bound.  I could not ask for a better day. The only thing that put a damper on my mood is that i had no one to share it with. That and my phone died before I could get a picture of the waterfall. But luckily I did take a few quick pics before it decided to crap out on me. I hovered around the waterfalls for a good while, and carved my name in to a railing. When I was satisfied that I met my goal, I made my way back to the beginning of the trail, and after that the truck stop. But before I could make it too the beginning of the trail it started to rain. Not heavy, but just enough to get me very damp. By the time I made it a 1/2 mile from the truckstop, it was pouring. This is when i was shown another act of chivalry. As I was walking on the road to the truck, a car heading in my direction started to slow down, and eventually came to a stop next to me. A hand holding an umbrella reached out the passenger side window. All I could do was grin. I told this wonderful woman I didnt have far to go but she insisted that I take the umbrella and that i could keep it. Another thanks, and I was on my way. A little dryer. I finally made it back to the truck. My co-driver was convinced I was mauled by a bear. I was gone for over 3 hours. After all was said and done. I took a very long shower, and had a very nice dinner. I am pleased with how the day went. But to be honest I think need more naked women in my life. EnD